Civilian to veteran interactions

Thanks to Tom Ricks I stumbled across a blog on the VA website that has an interesting post about how to interact with a veteran if you are a civilian. I've mentioned and linked to sites discussing the gap between today's military and your average American but the VA article is good in that it lists "Do's" and "Don'ts" when talking with veterans.

I especially like two of his "Don't" points: don't talk politics, and don't be cavalier with questions.

The former point is just frustrating to me. I'm just a guy in a green suit (gray/green really), I don't make the policies, I just help carry them out. I don't really give a damn if you're "against the war but for the troops" or if you think the entire Middle East should be turned into a glass parking lot. My comments and experiences shouldn't be used to further your argument or justify your own beliefs.

The latter point is my biggest pet peeve. Luckily, on only a couple of occassions has anyone actually had the nerve to straight up ask me if I've killed anyone or if any of my friends died. Those types of questions are extremely personal and only demonstrate the ignorance of the individual asking the question. Yeah, I've forgotten more memorials in Iraq than I can remember, it's not something I'm comfortable talking about.

My most recent experience with these types of questions occurred a couple of months after my last deployment. I had gone to a bar with a couple of female friends and met up with a couple of their friends, one of whom my friend was interested in. Both my friends wandered off leaving me to have a conversation with this guy who didn't know me and who I didn't know. The topic eventually fell on occupations and the first question asked when he learned I was in the Army was, "so what's it like to kill someone?"

Really douchebag?

I wanted to punch the guy, and after learning of the incident my friend told me I would have been justified in doing so. Not feeling particularly violent I let the comment go and after a short time left the bar but not before listening to this idiot's excuse for not joining the Air Force...he thought it would be weird to drop bombs on people.

Several days later I informed my friend of our conversation. She was appalled and that interaction, coupled with some other "red flags", led to her no longer being interested in the guy. So there ya go folks, piss off a vet and get cockblocked.

That's got to be as good a reason as any to learn how to bridge that civilian/military gap.

Before I end this I wanted to mention that I do have some great friends who, likely without realizing it, have generally followed the advice found in the VA blog. They've listened when I needed to talk, didn't openly judge me, helped me out when I needed it, and have avoided forcing their politics into the conversation...even those friends of mine who I know are against the Iraq conflict. Most of all, they send care packages. More than anything else in the world, more than even Ke$ha, those care packages kept me going.